This was a section that kept a smile on my face. It describes the transition from your Inner Critic and Inner Defender to your Inner Guide. It felt absolutely amazing to read guidelines you had already thought up yourself and were following:
How is it that three people can have the same experience and respond to is so differently? According to psychologists like Albert Ellis, the answer lies in what each person believes caused the event. Ellis suggested that our different responses could be understood by realizing that the activating event plus our beliefs equal the consequences (how we respond).
...our upsets are caused not so much by our problems as by what we think about our problems. When our thinking is full of irrational beliefs, what Ellis calls "stinkin' thinkin'", we feel awful even when the circumstances don't warrant it...how were think about the issue in our lives is the real issue.
Stinkin' thinkin' isn't based on reality...these irrational thoughts are the automatic chatter of the Inner Critic (kept of Negative Beliefs about the self) and the Inner Defender (keeper of Negative Beliefs about other people and the world).
---major cause of this self-defeating reaction is the Inner Critic's harsh self-judgments. Here are some common self-damning beliefs held by Inner Critics:
I'm dumb. I'm selfish. I'm a failure. I'm incapable. I'm not as good as other people. I'm worthless. I'm unattractive. I'm lazy. I'm not college material. I'm weak. I'm a lousy parent. I'm unlovable.
A person dominated by his or her Inner Critic misinterprets events, inventing criticisms that aren't there.
--A strong Inner Critic is both a cause and an effect of low self-esteem.
--The finger-pointing Inner Defender is merely the Inner Critic turned outward...Here are some examples of destructive beliefs held by an Inner Defender:
People don't treat me right, so they're rotten. People don't act the way I want them to, so they're awful.People don't live up to my expectations, so they're the enemy. People don't do what I want, so they're against me. Life is full of problems, so it's terrible. Life is unfair, so I can't stand it. Life doesn't always go my way, so I can't be happy. Life doesn't provide me with everything I want, so it's unbearable.
A person dominated by her Inner Defender discovers personal insults and slights in neutral events.---A strong Inner Defender is both a cause and an effect of low self-esteem.
---The Inner Guide is concerned with positive results, not judging self or others. A strong Inner Guide is both a cause and an effect of high self-esteem.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How, then, can you raise your self esteem?
First, you can become aware of the chatter of your Inner Critic and Inner Defender. Be especially alert when events in your life go wrong, when your desired outcomes and experiences are thwarted. That's when we are most likely to complain, blame, and excuse. That's when we substitute judgments of ourselves or others for positive actions that would get us back on course.
Once you become familiar with your inner voices, you can begin a process of separating yourself from your Inner Critic and Inner Defender.
---According to psychologist Ellis, a key to correcting irrational thinking is changing a "must" into a preference.
---you can always distract yourself from negative, judgmental thoughts. Simply tell yourself, "STOP!" Then replace your blaming, complaining, or excusing with something positive...
---Wisely choose the thoughts that occupy your mind. Avoid letting automatic, negative thoughts undermine your self-esteem. Evict them and replace them, instead, with esteem-building thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment