Journal Entry #7

Write a sentence expressing a recent problem or event that upset you. Think of something troubling that happened in school, at work, or in your personal life. For example, I got a 62 on my math test.

I have gained 5 lbs and lost my tone so I don't fit into any of my clothes the way I want to.

Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Critic (IC) might level against you as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately. Review your methods of disputing described...You only need to use one of them for each criticism. For example:
IC: You failed that math test because you're terrible in math.
IG: It's true I failed the math test, but I'll study harder next time and do better. This was only the first test, and I now know what to expect next time.

IC: I will never tone up and get back down to the weight you were 2 years ago.
IG: I have put on a few lbs and lost my tone, but I'll wake up and go running as many mornings as I can and make more wise decisions when it comes to my eating habits.

IC: I am unattractive when I am fat.
IG: Many friends, family, and ex-loved ones always offer a hand of beauty as well as my own ego so there is absolutely no rational reason for me to believe I am unattractive right now. I may have put on a few lbs but I am not fat and it isn't that hard to get back to my ideal weight and bodily proportion.

IC: I am horrible at being strong and having the will power to follow through and stay motivated.
IG: It is true that my will power is very weak but I will find support in inspirational reading and attend a motivational congregation at my recruiters office every Monday and Thursday as well as attend the gatherings a great friend has been trying to get me to do for the past week.

IC: I can barely breath when I run because I am fat.
IG: I can barely breath when I run because I smoke and am out of shape so I will begin by running every day to push myself to my limits as well as quit smoking. Smoking is horrible for your health anyways.

Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Defender (ID) might level against someone else or life as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately. Again use one of the four methods for disputing. For example:
ID: You failed that math test because you've got the worst math instructor on campus.
IG: I have trouble understanding my math instructor, so I'm going to make an appointment to talk with him in private. John really liked him last semester, so I bet I'll like him too, if I give him a chance. 

ID: I gained weight and lost my tone because of my car accident last year.
IG: My car accident did have me on bed rest but only for a month. After, I was completely capable of moving around and exercising but didn't take initiative so I am going to push myself to my limits. I could do it before and got past the pain so I know I can do it again if I just put my mind to it.

ID: I have a hard time focusing on my future because the military was the only future I had.
IG: The military was my childhood dream, yes, and I am still very upset that I received my discharge. Although I don't know what I may be interested in now, I will make the initiative to explore my options and occupy my time with new experiences to give me some insight on my dreams and desires. The road is still a long one but I'll succeed if I avoid the potholes.

ID: I eat a lot of junk food because I am an emotional eater and it makes me feel better. Besides, if my parents didn't buy it all the time then I wouldn't eat it all the time.
IG: My emotions don't control my food intake as well as my food choices. Neither do my parents. When I want a HUGE bowl of ice creams, I will open the freezer, look at it, then get into the refrigerator for a Yogurt as an alternative or a piece of fruit. Also, just because my parents buy junk food all the time doesn't mean they make the decision of me eating it. I can always say no so I will and once again, choose a healthy alternative.

Write what you have learned or relearned about changing your inner conversation. Your journal entry might begin, "In reading and writing about my inner conversations, I have discovered that..." Wherever possible, offer personal experiences or examples to explain what you learned.

Changing your inner conversation isn't easy but it isn't difficult either. It is about training your brain to get into the routine of doing it. Life in a nut shell is all about routine and once you get on one, especially a good one, it is like fireworks that are beautiful but silent. They make you smile and laugh and go "Awwwh!" but you don't have to cover your ears.
Change is general is about getting on a routine or a new one for those of us who have made ourselves accustom to the one we are on now.
Now as a confession, my first draft of the sentence was my Inner Critic. "Change in general is about getting on a routine or a new one for those of us who have made ourselves accustom to the horrible one we are on now." But I disputed my Inner Critic. "The routine that I am on now is not working from me. So it is time to change and create a new routine to take a step forward into life."
Progress. Oh I do believe so. I have always been so negative in life and when you fall back into negativity it is hard to remember how you reached out to positivity and it all begins with you! You, you, you, you, you... That is why I tell people, "This is my world, and you are living in it." It isn't about being selfish. Those who still possess an Inner Critic or Inner Defender and have never experienced what their Inner Guide is worth? Those are the people who would see that statement as being selfish. But you CHOOSE. You choose your decision, you choose your outcome.
For example, I had a friend...
We have always had fun together and she has always been a riot. Her and her husband have been together on and off since we were freshman in high school. They finally get married back in 2011. Now this friend, she has a problem and always has with lying. Habitual liar. She has been doing it for so long as well that she has to create a new lie every time to coordinate with the rest of them. Being the friend that I am, I have always backed her up. I have also always felt guilty about lying to her husband seeing how I met them together and shared pretty much a mutual bond between the two of them.
Now long story short, this friend tells a few lies that involved me and now that I have been lying for her for a few years it is hard to keep up. I'm with her husband one day on our way to pick up a part for a four wheeler he is fixing and he just starts catching up with me. Asking me questions about my personal life and this and that and school and the guy I was seeing at the time. We laugh and share a few discussions and then he says this, "So then you know she has been telling me the guy she has been texting back in forth with is your boyfriend (which the guy he is talking about we were only seeing each other but that is besides the point) and that you wanted her to see if he would flirt with her because you feel like he isn't being faithful?" I just looked at him which obviously he figured out was the a yes. "So you also know that that isn't a true?" Once again I just stared. I wasn't going to lie anymore. I mean, he had gotten the truth out of me without asking me the question right off the bat. He wasn't necessarily beating around the bush more than manipulating me. Good job! Kudos to him.
So now the truth is out and they get into a huge argument and she blames me but understands that it is her fault as well. I did feel guilty at this point in time but the next time was totally on her...
They patch things up and move on and things are going great. For the time being. Before I had gone back to see them, I spent a few months away, separating myself from the situation. I had told her after the last time, no more lying, no more manipulating, nothing. I was over it. So she invites me down a few months later and we discuss their situation. She says no more lying and no more arguing. Her and her husband have never been better so I pack a bag and I take the cruise to visit.
When I arrive, my friend and I are going out. Her husband is at work so we need someone to watch her son. She makes the arrangements. I'm under the impression we are taking the baby from point A to point B and going back to point A. Once we arrive at point B and get her son comfy, she proceeds to tell me their is a point C. When we arrive, we then establish this is where the partying begins. She ends up catching a buzz, I end up catching a buzz. It's all gravy. We are enjoying our time having fun. She then makes a big girl decision about interacting with another individual. Granted I was there in the general vicinity, I am not her conscience. She wants to do her thing and make her mistakes that is fine. The entire night, she did not answer a phone call or text message from her husband. Her comes the beginning of disaster.
The next morning we wake up and leave. She says "We have to come up with a lie! Oh I know! We went to your house and drank too much!" She then proceeds to tell her husband. So here I am again. The same actions always have the same results is what my mother used to tell me. No doubt. I wrote my part of what ended up unfolding but not hers.
They argue all morning and all afternoon. She ends up going shopping with her mother, her husband heads to work and I try and sleep off a hangover. Then my phone rings. "He knows everything!" Well I don't know how because I didn't say a word. Then the garage door opens and slams and my name is being screamed through the house. Bedroom door practically comes off the hinges. "Where the F@*% were you last night and don't you lie to me?!" And he was on the phone being walked through everything that happened last night. Where we were, who we were with, what happened. So I looked him dead in the eye and told him the truth. He cusses me from top to bottom, tells me "Pack your shit and get the f*&% out my house." I'll take it. I did lie to him about where we were and it was his house. I did it to myself and out of respect of him and knowing the fact of what I did, without any argument, I packed my shit and I got the eff out. But within that process, I made a phone call. I put my foot down with my friend. "I'm not doing this anymore. My life is too short to lie for you and then have to deal with the upset, drama, and emotion that comes out of the entire situation. It isn't worth it."
Since then, her husband being upset with her... well, it's all my fault. I ruined her life. Apparently I put a gun to her head and told her she had to get down with the get down with this individual. I put a gun to her head and said we had to drink and stay where we were at. I put a gun to her head and told her we had to go where we ended up going. But she did it to herself. And I did it to myself. Yeah I guess I could have said, "Oh no!" and barged in and made a big scene and this and that but she is a big girl. She makes her own decisions. She writes her own future. She makes her own mistakes.
As did I that night/Day. Accept it. Learn from it. And move on.
To continue to write my own future and desired outcomes, she is no longer a part of my life. It isn't my responsibility to lie for any ones actions. Especially if it is going to land me in the the situation I was in.

This friend, every time she has the desire to get a hold of me since this all happened, she wants to blame me which is her Inner Defender. "My life is miserable because you told the truth." Well I guess that could kind of be true buuuut in actual reality she needs to be telling herself, "My life is miserable because I lied and my self esteem is by far the lowest it can be. I will start to make better decisions, focus on my son and my family as well as my career, and succeed for myself and those I love. First, I will start with..."

Just like I had a girl friend and I slept with her boyfriend back when we were 16. Besides the point of being young and dumb, I made the decision and when she found out she was very very angry with me. I told her, I can't say I'm sorry because I can't ask for forgiveness because I made the decision knowing that this would be the outcome when the truth came out. I did it to myself so if you want to walk out of my life then so be it. It isn't that I don't love you because I do, we have had great times and great memories together but my world is still going to rotate. I write my own destiny. I did it once, I felt guilty, I put it behind me and knew one day, truth would be out and once that happened you would either laugh and be like I can't believe the good ole days or be upset and hate me. We were young and dumb but I also understand that I crossed the line and it has hurt you. I can't beg for your forgiveness because I did it to myself. You walking out of my life is your decision to make."
Everyone writes their own future or destiny or outcomes or consequences. How ever you want to look at it. It is realizing that that will make it easier to write everything the way that you want it to be.

Until next time! ;-)