Journal Entry #10

Write a visualization of the exact moment in the future when you are experiencing the accomplishment of your biggest goal or dream in your role as a student. Describe the scene of your success as if it is happening to you now. For example, if your desire is to graduate from a four-year university with a 4.0 average, you might write: "I am dressed in a long blue robe, the tassel from my graduation cap tickling my face. I look out over the thousands of people in the audience, and I see my mother, a smile spreading across her face. I hear the announcer call my name. I feel a rush of adrenaline, and chills tingle on my back as I take my first steponto the stage. I see the college president smiling, reaching her hand out to me in congratulations. I hear the announcer repeat my name, adding that I am graduating with high honors, having obtained a 4.0 average. I see my classmates standing to applaud me. Their cheers flow over me, filling me with pride and happiness. I walk..."

For visual appeal, consider also drawing a picture of your goal and dream in your journal. Or cut pictures from magazines and use the to illustrate your writing. If you are writing your journal on a computer, consider adding clip art that depicts your visualization. Allow your creativity to support your dream. 
Remember to use the four keys to an effective visualization:
1. Relax to free your imagination.
2. Use present-tense verbs... the experience is happening now!
3. Use all five senses. What do yo use, hear, smell, taste, and feel (touch)?
4. Include emotion. Imagine yourself feeling great in this moment of grand accomplishment. You deserve to feel fantastic!

Read your visualizations often. Ideal times are right before you go to sleep and when you first awake in the morning. You may even wish to record your visualizations and listen to them often.

I hear the chatter of all the guests at the graduation. I am lined up with the graduating class waiting for them to introduce us. The announcer is announcing the graduating class of '17. I am so anxious my knees are shaking. We proceed into the arena. I hear hooting and hollering. My heart is racing. I walk to my seat and sit down. I listen to all the names being called. I watch every one walk across the stage. I fear that I am going to trip or fall. I watch the guide come stand our row up. We proceed to the stairs at the side of the stage in a single file line. I smile even bigger. I am ready for this moment. They call my name. I see the president and dean, reaching out to me in congratulations. The announcer says my name, adding that I am graduating with high honors, receiving a placement on the presidents and deans lists for academic success each and every semester. I see my parents right up front cheering me on. I am so proud and ecstatic that I am here. You can see the pride and joy on their faces. I feel a well of tears building in my eyes. I walk towards the descending stairs where my academic advisor awaits to congratulate me and point me in the right direction. I follow my classmate in front of me back to my seat and sit down. A tear rolls down my cheek of happiness. I smile and chuckle, remembering 4 years ago and the position I was in. I listen to the rest of the names. I watch the Valedictorian give their speech and the presentation created by the computer club. The announcer says it is time for the graduating class to stand. We stand. Here it is! He gives his own personal congratulations. We all cheer in celebration and throw our caps in the air! I run to my mom and dad. My mom has tears rolling down her cheeks. She is so proud. My dad screams, "Alright! What's up college grad?!" adding a high five. I made it! I'm finally here! We huddle in celebration and proceed out the door contemplating on our celebratory activities.

My Life Plan as a Daughter

My Life Plan

My Dream: I take care of my parents and show them the kindness and helpfulness they have shown me through the years. Reflection.

My Life Role: Daughter

My Long-Term Goals in this Role: Show more appreciation and respect to my parents. They are amazing people and they deserve to be treated that way. 

My Short-Term Goals in this Role: Call when I'm not coming home.

Help more with daily and weekly chores.

Stop sighing or rolling my eyes when I am told to do something.

Start listening more often to the things they have to say about life and life lessons.

Thank them every time they do something for me no matter how small or how big.

Participate more actively in conversation with them.

Take them out to dinner every once in a while.

Remember their anniversary.

Support them through their hardest moments.

Tell them how much I love them everyday.

If you can't tell, my parents mean the world to me. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past couple years and have put them through hell and back. At 21, my parents still offer their open door. They have lived it but the difference is they had to struggle and fight through it... something they don't wish upon me. On my last draw, (and trust me, I totally believe them) I am determined not to let them down. 

I remember when I was younger, they were always "well when I was young" or "back then" and I always used to argue it isn't then and you aren't young. Yes times have changed but the it was never about the times or the main subject of the story. It was always about the life lesson behind the story. Especially recently, I have been having those moments where I go to my mom and dad and I am like, you remember when you told me this... well, you were right.

Many kids, teens, and young adults I know for a fact always argue with their parents especially if the story starts with "well when I was young" or "back then" but really they should listen. Mom and pop aren't trying to compare your situation to theirs, they are trying to tell you that is a life lesson you are either going through or on the path of going through. LISTEN! It's the best thing you can do! I wish I would have been wise enough almost 4 years ago to open my ears and my mind wide to absorb the information that was trying to be taught to me. 

If you don't want to listen, you are going to feel. 

My Life Plan: Journal Entry #9

...complete the part of your life plan for your role as a student.

My Dream: If you have a compelling dream, describe it here. If you're not sure what your dream is, you can simply write, "I'm searching."

My Life Role: Student

My Long-Term Goals in this Role: These are the outcomes you plan to achieve as a student in the next two to ten years, even longer if necessary.

My Short-Term Goals in this Role: These are the outcomes you plan to achieve as a student this semester; each one accomplished brings you closer to your long-term goals as a student. To begin your list of short-term goals, you can write the same Desired Outcomes that you chose in Journal Entry 8; then add other short-term goals as appropriate.

Remember to apply the DAPPS rule, making sure that each long-and short-term goals is Dated, Achievable, Personal, Positive, and Specific. With this in mind, you may need to revise the Desired Outcomes that you transfer here from Journal Entry 8.

If you wish, repeat this process for one or more of you other life roles: employee, parent, athlete, and so on. The more roles you plan, the more complete you vision of life will be. Taken together, these pages map your route to a rich, personally fulfilling life.

At this time you don't have to know how to achieve your goals and dreams, so don't even think about the method. All you need to know is what you want. In the following chapters, you'll learn dozens of powerful strategies for turning your life plan into reality. For now, keep your eye on your destination!

My Life Plan

My Dream: To help people but I am still searching for specifics.

My Life Role: Student

My Long-Term Goals in this Role: To graduate with honors and recognition, at the top of my class, with an Associates Degree by 2015, a Bachelor's by 2017, and a Master's by 2019.

My Short-Term Goals in this Role: Study for every quiz, test, and exam for College Algebra.
Apply myself everyday in College Algebra.
Stay focused on my Classes.
Study for every quiz, test, and exam in my Criminology Class.
Read every section thoroughly for my Criminology Class.
Ask questions when I need to without fear.
Learn 5 new study skills that could help me study better by September 31st.
Take at least one page of notes for every class I attend this coming semester.
Turn in every assignment on time this semester.
Give all assignments and projects my all this semester.

Write about what you have learned or relearned by designing your life plan. In particular, identify any impact this effort has had on your level of motivation to do well in college this semester, or do well in any other parts of your life.
Writing a life plan is an easy way to set goals. Setting goals can be difficult. If you just want to sit down and write goals you wish to accomplish just as a list of goals, yes, is possible but to identify what the role you wish to your goals in makes setting those goals much easier and more likely that you will follow through with all the goals you wish to accomplish. Makes them seem more real and sensible.
So coming soon is My Life Plan in My Life Role as a:
Daughter
Becoming Healthy
Employee
A Better Person
A Companion
Until Then ;-)

Journal Entry #8

In your journal, draw an empty table...Fill in three or more of your own desired outcomes for this course and/or this semester. Next to each, explain why you value achieving that outcome. Remember, "outcomes" are those things you will take away with you at the end of the semester (such as a grade or something you learn). At this point, you don't have to know HOW you will achieve these outcomes; you only need to know WHAT you want and WHY.

Once again, seeing how I can't draw a table on here, I am simply going to label "desired outcomes" and "value" in bold, listing one and then the other. Also, instead of desired outcomes for this course and/or semester, I am going to focus on desired outcomes for this summer leading up to my second "first semester" in August. :-)

Desired Outcome: Spend down time absorbing knowledge in a relaxing, slow paced environment such as the beach.
Value: Absorbing knowledge regardless of who you are and what you want out of life will always keep you on your toes. Participating in a relaxing environment is a way for me to clear my head and breath so I can focus rather than worry about immediate pleasures.

Desired Outcome: To have proper nutrition, a healthy diet, and getting back into shape.
Value: Being healthy makes any person feel amazing but especially me! I am confident and delightful to be around full of positivity and spunk, always keeping a smile on my face and putting a smile on others.

Desired Outcome: To not owe BCC a dime! Bottom line.
Value: I will begin my education!
      .
    .   .
  .       .
.  .  .  .  .
      .
      .
      .
I'm not too sure if we are supposed to have favorites or supposed to like one more than the other but I am going to have to say that the last one is the one I value most. I have put this off for far too long. If I owe the school any money at all, I will never be able to take my education head on like I desire too! Soo BCC, you will be getting your money come first pay check! ;-) YOU can count on that!

In your journal, place an empty table...Fill in three or more of your desired experiences for this course and/or semester. Next to each, explain why you value having that experience. Remember, "experiences" are those things you will have during this semester (such as fun or a sense of community). Once again, all that matters here is WHAT you would like to experience and WHY. At this time, you don't need to worry about HOW.

Once again no table (shocker!). Also, not course and/or semester but this summer.

Desired experience: Fun
Value: This is what summer is about. Fun... the right way. Genuine, real, 100% grade A fun!

Desired experience: Personal confidence
Value: Redeeming my spunk and personality. I have always been such a shy person but I remember when my personality and my spunk first started to develop and let me tell you... shwew, is it a much easier to me to deal with and I am so clear minded. I would face every bad decision I could make and never made them. This summer, I will build that back. Very important to life and makes decision making that much easier.

Desired experience: Go on an adventure
Value: Exploring new things, having new experiences, doing something different. Let's go on an adventure! It will help with learning who I am and discovering more about myself as a growing young individual. I'll get to meet new people and most likely see great things. Plus, I'm sure many of the adventures I could go on are apart of my resolutions list which just makes it that much better!

Using the formula of V x E = M ( V is for Value, E is for Expectation, M is for Motivation), write about your level of motivation to be successful in college. Begin as follows: "The Value I place on being a success in college is ___ (0-10) and my expectation of being a success in college is ___ (0-10). Multiplied together, this gives me an achievement motivation score of (0-100)." Then continue by explaining your score and identifying specific actions you can do to raise it (or keep it high).

The value I place on being a success this summer (since I am focusing on summer) is a 10 and my expectation of being a success this summer is a 10. Multiplied together, this gives me an achievement motivation score of 100. Life is too short to live it any other way other than all or nothing. It is just choosing your all or nothing that is going to create your path. This summer, my goal is to focus on my desire for immediate pleasure and how much trouble it has gotten me into. I then want to apply that to becoming more proactive in my decision making and discover genuine fun through genuine activity.
One thing you learn early on within reading this book and taking this course is that you control you. You write your future which means you write your happiness, your drama, your troubles, your sorrows. It is all on you. I need to begin with turning all my negative thoughts positive. Then move from making negative decisions to positive decisions. After, explore. Go to a museum even if it is a local one. Visit an aquarium (other than sea world). Go to a zoo. Read more than just my text books for school. Attend different local festivals. Give life my all. The right way.
This summer is about focusing on me. Discovering more about myself. Building more of my character. Becoming more of the person I was meant to be. It is true. You do only live once. This is my summer to grasp that wisdom and apply it in the correct manner to become the person I am meant to be in the near future.

Personal Highlights of Chapter 2

• The essence of personal responsibility is responding wisely to life's opportunities and challenges, rather than waiting passively for luck or other people to make the choices for us.
• As long as you resist your role in creating the outcomes and experiences in your life, you will fall short of your potential.
• The key ingredient of personal responsibility is choice.
• The more choices I make as a Creator, the more I improve the quality of my life.
• I am responsible for creating my life as I want it.
• Ultimately each of us creates the quality of our life with the wisdom or folly of our choices.
• The Inner Critic. This is the internal voice that judges us as inadequate.
• The flip side of the Inner Critic is the Inner Defender. Instead of judging ourselves, the Inner Defender judges others.
• The Inner Guide knows that judgement doesn't improve difficult situations. So instead, the Inner Guide objectively observes each situation and asks, "Am I on course or off course? If I'm off course, what can I do to get back on course?"
• Creators use their words and thoughts to improve a bad situation.
• Life is a journey with many opportunities and obstacles, and every one requires a choice.
• ...identifying goals and then designing systems that define wise choices to overcome any problems that interfere with achieving those goals.
• ...a system that will empower you to take full responsibility for creating your life as you want it to be...

1. What's my present situation? What exists?
2. How would I like my situation to be?
3. What are my possible choices? Create a list of possible choices...without judgement. First, take a different point of view...pretend your problem belongs to someone else...set the problem aside and let your unconscious mind work on a solution while you do other things.
4. What's the likely outcome of each possible choice? 
5. Which choice(s) will I commit to doing?
6. When and how will I evaluate my plan?...compare your new situation to how you want it to be (as described in step 2). If...identical (close enough)...plan a success.

• Our choices reveal what we truly believe and value, as opposed to what we say we believe and value.
• By our choices, we are each the primary creators of the outcomes and experiences of our lives.
• Creator's favorite question: "What's my plan?"
• 
  

Journal Entry #7

Write a sentence expressing a recent problem or event that upset you. Think of something troubling that happened in school, at work, or in your personal life. For example, I got a 62 on my math test.

I have gained 5 lbs and lost my tone so I don't fit into any of my clothes the way I want to.

Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Critic (IC) might level against you as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately. Review your methods of disputing described...You only need to use one of them for each criticism. For example:
IC: You failed that math test because you're terrible in math.
IG: It's true I failed the math test, but I'll study harder next time and do better. This was only the first test, and I now know what to expect next time.

IC: I will never tone up and get back down to the weight you were 2 years ago.
IG: I have put on a few lbs and lost my tone, but I'll wake up and go running as many mornings as I can and make more wise decisions when it comes to my eating habits.

IC: I am unattractive when I am fat.
IG: Many friends, family, and ex-loved ones always offer a hand of beauty as well as my own ego so there is absolutely no rational reason for me to believe I am unattractive right now. I may have put on a few lbs but I am not fat and it isn't that hard to get back to my ideal weight and bodily proportion.

IC: I am horrible at being strong and having the will power to follow through and stay motivated.
IG: It is true that my will power is very weak but I will find support in inspirational reading and attend a motivational congregation at my recruiters office every Monday and Thursday as well as attend the gatherings a great friend has been trying to get me to do for the past week.

IC: I can barely breath when I run because I am fat.
IG: I can barely breath when I run because I smoke and am out of shape so I will begin by running every day to push myself to my limits as well as quit smoking. Smoking is horrible for your health anyways.

Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Defender (ID) might level against someone else or life as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately. Again use one of the four methods for disputing. For example:
ID: You failed that math test because you've got the worst math instructor on campus.
IG: I have trouble understanding my math instructor, so I'm going to make an appointment to talk with him in private. John really liked him last semester, so I bet I'll like him too, if I give him a chance. 

ID: I gained weight and lost my tone because of my car accident last year.
IG: My car accident did have me on bed rest but only for a month. After, I was completely capable of moving around and exercising but didn't take initiative so I am going to push myself to my limits. I could do it before and got past the pain so I know I can do it again if I just put my mind to it.

ID: I have a hard time focusing on my future because the military was the only future I had.
IG: The military was my childhood dream, yes, and I am still very upset that I received my discharge. Although I don't know what I may be interested in now, I will make the initiative to explore my options and occupy my time with new experiences to give me some insight on my dreams and desires. The road is still a long one but I'll succeed if I avoid the potholes.

ID: I eat a lot of junk food because I am an emotional eater and it makes me feel better. Besides, if my parents didn't buy it all the time then I wouldn't eat it all the time.
IG: My emotions don't control my food intake as well as my food choices. Neither do my parents. When I want a HUGE bowl of ice creams, I will open the freezer, look at it, then get into the refrigerator for a Yogurt as an alternative or a piece of fruit. Also, just because my parents buy junk food all the time doesn't mean they make the decision of me eating it. I can always say no so I will and once again, choose a healthy alternative.

Write what you have learned or relearned about changing your inner conversation. Your journal entry might begin, "In reading and writing about my inner conversations, I have discovered that..." Wherever possible, offer personal experiences or examples to explain what you learned.

Changing your inner conversation isn't easy but it isn't difficult either. It is about training your brain to get into the routine of doing it. Life in a nut shell is all about routine and once you get on one, especially a good one, it is like fireworks that are beautiful but silent. They make you smile and laugh and go "Awwwh!" but you don't have to cover your ears.
Change is general is about getting on a routine or a new one for those of us who have made ourselves accustom to the one we are on now.
Now as a confession, my first draft of the sentence was my Inner Critic. "Change in general is about getting on a routine or a new one for those of us who have made ourselves accustom to the horrible one we are on now." But I disputed my Inner Critic. "The routine that I am on now is not working from me. So it is time to change and create a new routine to take a step forward into life."
Progress. Oh I do believe so. I have always been so negative in life and when you fall back into negativity it is hard to remember how you reached out to positivity and it all begins with you! You, you, you, you, you... That is why I tell people, "This is my world, and you are living in it." It isn't about being selfish. Those who still possess an Inner Critic or Inner Defender and have never experienced what their Inner Guide is worth? Those are the people who would see that statement as being selfish. But you CHOOSE. You choose your decision, you choose your outcome.
For example, I had a friend...
We have always had fun together and she has always been a riot. Her and her husband have been together on and off since we were freshman in high school. They finally get married back in 2011. Now this friend, she has a problem and always has with lying. Habitual liar. She has been doing it for so long as well that she has to create a new lie every time to coordinate with the rest of them. Being the friend that I am, I have always backed her up. I have also always felt guilty about lying to her husband seeing how I met them together and shared pretty much a mutual bond between the two of them.
Now long story short, this friend tells a few lies that involved me and now that I have been lying for her for a few years it is hard to keep up. I'm with her husband one day on our way to pick up a part for a four wheeler he is fixing and he just starts catching up with me. Asking me questions about my personal life and this and that and school and the guy I was seeing at the time. We laugh and share a few discussions and then he says this, "So then you know she has been telling me the guy she has been texting back in forth with is your boyfriend (which the guy he is talking about we were only seeing each other but that is besides the point) and that you wanted her to see if he would flirt with her because you feel like he isn't being faithful?" I just looked at him which obviously he figured out was the a yes. "So you also know that that isn't a true?" Once again I just stared. I wasn't going to lie anymore. I mean, he had gotten the truth out of me without asking me the question right off the bat. He wasn't necessarily beating around the bush more than manipulating me. Good job! Kudos to him.
So now the truth is out and they get into a huge argument and she blames me but understands that it is her fault as well. I did feel guilty at this point in time but the next time was totally on her...
They patch things up and move on and things are going great. For the time being. Before I had gone back to see them, I spent a few months away, separating myself from the situation. I had told her after the last time, no more lying, no more manipulating, nothing. I was over it. So she invites me down a few months later and we discuss their situation. She says no more lying and no more arguing. Her and her husband have never been better so I pack a bag and I take the cruise to visit.
When I arrive, my friend and I are going out. Her husband is at work so we need someone to watch her son. She makes the arrangements. I'm under the impression we are taking the baby from point A to point B and going back to point A. Once we arrive at point B and get her son comfy, she proceeds to tell me their is a point C. When we arrive, we then establish this is where the partying begins. She ends up catching a buzz, I end up catching a buzz. It's all gravy. We are enjoying our time having fun. She then makes a big girl decision about interacting with another individual. Granted I was there in the general vicinity, I am not her conscience. She wants to do her thing and make her mistakes that is fine. The entire night, she did not answer a phone call or text message from her husband. Her comes the beginning of disaster.
The next morning we wake up and leave. She says "We have to come up with a lie! Oh I know! We went to your house and drank too much!" She then proceeds to tell her husband. So here I am again. The same actions always have the same results is what my mother used to tell me. No doubt. I wrote my part of what ended up unfolding but not hers.
They argue all morning and all afternoon. She ends up going shopping with her mother, her husband heads to work and I try and sleep off a hangover. Then my phone rings. "He knows everything!" Well I don't know how because I didn't say a word. Then the garage door opens and slams and my name is being screamed through the house. Bedroom door practically comes off the hinges. "Where the F@*% were you last night and don't you lie to me?!" And he was on the phone being walked through everything that happened last night. Where we were, who we were with, what happened. So I looked him dead in the eye and told him the truth. He cusses me from top to bottom, tells me "Pack your shit and get the f*&% out my house." I'll take it. I did lie to him about where we were and it was his house. I did it to myself and out of respect of him and knowing the fact of what I did, without any argument, I packed my shit and I got the eff out. But within that process, I made a phone call. I put my foot down with my friend. "I'm not doing this anymore. My life is too short to lie for you and then have to deal with the upset, drama, and emotion that comes out of the entire situation. It isn't worth it."
Since then, her husband being upset with her... well, it's all my fault. I ruined her life. Apparently I put a gun to her head and told her she had to get down with the get down with this individual. I put a gun to her head and said we had to drink and stay where we were at. I put a gun to her head and told her we had to go where we ended up going. But she did it to herself. And I did it to myself. Yeah I guess I could have said, "Oh no!" and barged in and made a big scene and this and that but she is a big girl. She makes her own decisions. She writes her own future. She makes her own mistakes.
As did I that night/Day. Accept it. Learn from it. And move on.
To continue to write my own future and desired outcomes, she is no longer a part of my life. It isn't my responsibility to lie for any ones actions. Especially if it is going to land me in the the situation I was in.

This friend, every time she has the desire to get a hold of me since this all happened, she wants to blame me which is her Inner Defender. "My life is miserable because you told the truth." Well I guess that could kind of be true buuuut in actual reality she needs to be telling herself, "My life is miserable because I lied and my self esteem is by far the lowest it can be. I will start to make better decisions, focus on my son and my family as well as my career, and succeed for myself and those I love. First, I will start with..."

Just like I had a girl friend and I slept with her boyfriend back when we were 16. Besides the point of being young and dumb, I made the decision and when she found out she was very very angry with me. I told her, I can't say I'm sorry because I can't ask for forgiveness because I made the decision knowing that this would be the outcome when the truth came out. I did it to myself so if you want to walk out of my life then so be it. It isn't that I don't love you because I do, we have had great times and great memories together but my world is still going to rotate. I write my own destiny. I did it once, I felt guilty, I put it behind me and knew one day, truth would be out and once that happened you would either laugh and be like I can't believe the good ole days or be upset and hate me. We were young and dumb but I also understand that I crossed the line and it has hurt you. I can't beg for your forgiveness because I did it to myself. You walking out of my life is your decision to make."
Everyone writes their own future or destiny or outcomes or consequences. How ever you want to look at it. It is realizing that that will make it easier to write everything the way that you want it to be.

Until next time! ;-)

The Curse of Stinkin' Thinkin'&&Disputing Irrational Beliefs

This was a section that kept a smile on my face. It describes the transition from your Inner Critic and Inner Defender to your Inner Guide. It felt absolutely amazing to read guidelines you had already thought up yourself and were following:
How is it that three people can have the same experience and respond to is so differently? According to psychologists like Albert Ellis, the answer lies in what each person believes caused the event. Ellis suggested that our different responses could be understood by realizing that the activating event plus our beliefs equal the consequences (how we respond).
...our upsets are caused not so much by our problems as by what we think about our problems. When our thinking is full of irrational beliefs, what Ellis calls "stinkin' thinkin'", we feel awful even when the circumstances don't warrant it...how were think about the issue in our lives is the real issue.
Stinkin' thinkin' isn't based on reality...these irrational thoughts are the automatic chatter of the Inner Critic (kept of Negative Beliefs about the self) and the Inner Defender (keeper of Negative Beliefs about other people and the world).
---major cause of this self-defeating reaction is the Inner Critic's harsh self-judgments. Here are some common self-damning beliefs held by Inner Critics:
I'm dumb. I'm selfish. I'm a failure. I'm incapable. I'm not as good as other people. I'm worthless. I'm unattractive. I'm lazy. I'm not college material. I'm weak. I'm a lousy parent. I'm unlovable.
A person dominated by his or her Inner Critic misinterprets events, inventing criticisms that aren't there.
--A strong Inner Critic is both a cause and an effect of low self-esteem.
--The finger-pointing Inner Defender is merely the Inner Critic turned outward...Here are some examples of destructive beliefs held by an Inner Defender:
People don't treat me right, so they're rotten. People don't act the way I want them to, so they're awful.People don't live up to my expectations, so they're the enemy. People don't do what I want, so they're against me. Life is full of problems, so it's terrible. Life is unfair, so I can't stand it. Life doesn't always go my way, so I can't be happy. Life doesn't provide me with everything I want, so it's unbearable.
A person dominated by her Inner Defender discovers personal insults and slights in neutral events.---A strong Inner Defender is both a cause and an effect of low self-esteem.
---The Inner Guide is concerned with positive results, not judging self or others. A strong Inner Guide is both a cause and an effect of high self-esteem.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How, then, can you raise your self esteem?
First, you can become aware of the chatter of your Inner Critic and Inner Defender. Be especially alert when events in your life go wrong, when your desired outcomes and experiences are thwarted. That's when we are most likely to complain, blame, and excuse. That's when we substitute judgments of ourselves or others for positive actions that would get us back on course.
Once you become familiar with your inner voices, you can begin a process of separating yourself from your Inner Critic and Inner Defender.
---According to psychologist Ellis, a key to correcting irrational thinking is changing a "must" into a preference.
---you can always distract yourself from negative, judgmental thoughts. Simply tell yourself, "STOP!" Then replace your blaming, complaining, or excusing with something positive...
---Wisely choose the thoughts that occupy your mind. Avoid letting automatic, negative thoughts undermine your self-esteem. Evict them and replace them, instead, with esteem-building thoughts.